maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
