Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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