I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
