Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
