Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
