is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
