so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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