Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
