Don't make out with my wife yet
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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