he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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