ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
