So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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