If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
