Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My breasts were aching with rage.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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