Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
