I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
