im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
