He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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