my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
