I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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