I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
