i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
