How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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