How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
