when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
