is your mom at the bar?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
