come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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