ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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