I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
