Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
