nut hugger
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
