My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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