dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
