its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
