need another drink. this is the easiest way
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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