i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
