I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
