Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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