Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
