i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
