Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
