But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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