defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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