so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
