One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
