is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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