FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
