420 ftw
We named our party play list daddy issues
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
