Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
