If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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