She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
