There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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