she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
don't judge my taste in strippers
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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